A recent scientific study done at Manatee Community College has shown that kissed wounds heal at a faster rate than un-kissed ones. This is an amazing finding", said a guy who was standing next to me when I found this out. The source would not go on to elaborate, stating that he was late for a thing where he was going to ask a guy something about a lobster.
The study, done under intensely hard-to-understand laboratory guidelines, involved the use of fifty human subjects. The subjects, all volunteers, were between the ages 2 and 4 and were recruited from low income households in order to minimize the possibility of someone caring, should things go horribly, horribly wrong.
The test subjects were each given a wound, ranging from "ooh, that's gotta sting" to "Oh, dear baby-Jesus, please terminate my eyesight so that I may never again behold the fleshy disaster that lies before me."
At this point, a white woman was released into the room in order to place a single kiss onto the wounds of three lucky children that she chose at random. The other forty-seven subjects remained kiss-less and ignored. None of the fifty volunteers received any further medical treatment other than being poked occasionally with a science-pencil to determine success.
The study went on to say some things about some other stuff but I forget what it was. It had something to do with the test results, the name of a machine that broke during the wounding phase, and something else about a civil lawsuit. I'm not sure if any of it was important. I probably would have remembered if it was.
The study, done under intensely hard-to-understand laboratory guidelines, involved the use of fifty human subjects. The subjects, all volunteers, were between the ages 2 and 4 and were recruited from low income households in order to minimize the possibility of someone caring, should things go horribly, horribly wrong.
The test subjects were each given a wound, ranging from "ooh, that's gotta sting" to "Oh, dear baby-Jesus, please terminate my eyesight so that I may never again behold the fleshy disaster that lies before me."
At this point, a white woman was released into the room in order to place a single kiss onto the wounds of three lucky children that she chose at random. The other forty-seven subjects remained kiss-less and ignored. None of the fifty volunteers received any further medical treatment other than being poked occasionally with a science-pencil to determine success.
The study went on to say some things about some other stuff but I forget what it was. It had something to do with the test results, the name of a machine that broke during the wounding phase, and something else about a civil lawsuit. I'm not sure if any of it was important. I probably would have remembered if it was.
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